“Every moment of your life is either a test or a celebration”
―
I recently had an epiphany in my life about women, female nature, and relationships between men and women.
This epiphany I had, will forever change the way I approach my interpersonal relationships with women.
My whole life, I had been going about things wrong, on a core fundamental level.
My whole life I was constantly getting into and out of relationships and flings with women, which left me feeling confused, hurt, depressed, anxious, angry, resentful, and bitter.
I could never understand why this was. Why I kept finding myself in the same situations (or somewhat similar ones) over and over and over again.
”Why am I having to keep starting over with different women, over and over again?”
I would ask myself.
I started to think there might be something inherently wrong with me. That I was destined for only one night stands the rest of my life. I was meant for nothing more than to be a piece of meat that could fill a woman once, twice or several times.
I actually started to have these thoughts, I won’t lie to you here.
Now before you get the wrong idea, let me just state what my future vision is, as far as this area of my life is concerned:
My future vision, as it pertains to my relationships with women. Some of you may already be confused in that, in previous articles I’ve stated I’m against the idea of marriage, etc.
Everything I stated in that article is still how I feel (and probably always will be). My views have not changed on marriage in the western world. However just because I’m against the idea of marriage, doesn’t mean I’m against eventually wanting a long-term female partner. I am of the belief that once I reach a certain point in my life, having this will actually be better for my productivity.
I’m of the belief that:
The right woman, at a late enough point in a man’s life, will help him rather than hinder, or slow him down.
Ideally, every man should (eventually) have a female supporter. A #1 fan that is always there to encourage, and take care of him.
Most men want what I’m describing here for their lives, but not all of them will admit it. So I just wanted to clear the air on this before we got further into this article.
Anyway, where was I: so all these negative feelings and experiences, going through these failed relationships, often drove me towards things like alcohol, and feeling sorry for myself.
Then last month came these ”Epiphanies” I’m about to describe. Suddenly, 34 years into my life, everything clicked for me. Everything now made perfect sense. Every mistake I ever made with every woman, in every situation, ALL OF THEM at once suddenly made perfect sense to me. I literally realized in one afternoon, where I went wrong with all the women I was ever involved with.
I was on a natural high for the rest of that day, and even the rest of the week, after coming to these realizations.
However as good as coming to these realizations felt, at the same time it was very bittersweet. Bittersweet because I continued realizing day after day, in every past relationship I’d ever had, what my mistakes were.
The most recent girl, in particular, I’d been seeing, was the hardest pill to swallow.
This whole experience I’m describing here, I believe is one of the major points in a man’s life. All men at some point, while on their paths to becoming the best versions of themselves, have a moment of clarity like the one I had here.
Every man has his path, and arrives at his own moment of clarity, at one point or another. This was mine.
In these 2 articles, I’m going to give you these 4-5 eye-opening realizations.
Realizations that will forever impact every relationship (short or long), that I will ever have with any woman. It is my sincere hope, my sincerest desire, that you will heed this information, that you will internalize it down to your deepest, darkest core.
Doing so might very well save your life one day. It’s my hope that you can avoid the same mistakes and pitfalls I made. Its my hope that you will not only listen to, but will HEAR this advice I’m going to give you. If you do, then you won’t have to learn things the hard way like I did.
Life and 1st hand experience are brutal, harsh teachers my friend. Take my word for it.
What drove me to these realizations:
I could sit here and tell you I was badass, and I knew these things all my life. That I was born with this knowledge because I’m some ”natural born alpha” or whatever. I could tell you that, but it would all be bullshit.
What’s worse, is you guys would know it was bullshit, even if only on a subconscious level. That’s the problem with many content creators on the internet nowadays, they take this approach and they don’t realize their audience can see right through them. Their audiences may be fooled for a while, for years even. But at some point, the truth ALWAYS reveals itself.
So that’s not what I’m going to do here.
These realizations came as a result of a recent short relationship I was involved in. I won’t call it a ”failed” experience, because it taught me more than any experience I’ve ever gone through. So by definition, it’s essentially impossible to call the experience a failure.
As you may have guessed by now, there was girl I was involved with, that I basically fell for.
I’ll admit it.
Guys on the internet can claim and pretend this has never happened to them, but let’s face it: that’s all bullshit too. At some point sooner or later, ALL men end up liking a particular girl.
Whether they admit it or not, is a different story. The other side of this I wanted to mention: is that at some point you men (yes you reading this) are going to meet a woman you really like. You’re going to (like it or not), start to notice things about a particular girl that intrigues you.
I want to draw a quick distinction here, and point out that what initially attracted me to this woman (what I was going through with her during our actual time together), was not oneitis.
I’ll explain why this is, and why I’m bringing this up.
Oneitis is a term that was coined by my man Rollo Tomassi. What happened after things ended between me and this girl, however, turned into a form of oneitis.
Onetits, just to be clear on the definition: is when a man develops an unhealthy attraction or fixation, on one particular woman.
With me, this did not happen until after things ended. Just because a man grows to like a particular woman he’s involved with, doesn’t necessarily mean he has ”onetis” for her. A man can like and even have feelings for a woman, and not have oneitis for her. Onetits happens when an unhealthy attachment starts to develop.
And I’ll admit: this happened with me to a certain extent. I became obsessed with trying to pinpoint what went wrong, where it went wrong, why it wrong. I analyzed it from every angle you could possibly analyze it from. I tortured myself over it for months. How things could have gone wrong with this exceptional woman I felt I’d met.
Full disclosure here guys: Yes…..I developed a little oneitis for this girl.
Another distinction: there are 2 types of oneitis, there’s the one I just described, and then there’s the ”Soul-Mate” myth. The ”Soul-Mate” myth is when a man is fixated on the idea that a woman’s he’s involved with, is his ”one and only”. This was not the case with me. I never had this thought or believed this woman was my Soul-Mate. I knew even afterward she was just some girl I met that I started to like.
Now I do believe, that once you reach a certain level of self-awareness, self-confidence, and self-alignment: that you’ll stop developing unhealthy attachments to women. And its this level, that I now believe I’ve reached, which is the whole point of this article (this one and the next one).
This is especially true with the women you get more serious with. You’ll always come at the relationship from the right, healthy frame of mind, even after it ends.
Especially after it ends, I should say.
Once you reach this point, the bad experiences you’ve had with women will no longer occur anymore. You’ll use rational and objective thought when determining whether a particular woman is worth investing your time in. You’ll screen and filter out the bad ones right from the start before they have the chance to develop into anything. You also won’t end the good relationships, prematurely, or on bad terms.
Now what I’m not trying to do here guys: is I’m not trying to give you the tools you’ll need to make things work with a ”particular” woman. Rather: I’m trying to get you to start re-framing your mind, self-identity, and the way you look at your life and your relationships.
I want you to start viewing them from a healthy frame of mind, which I believe needs to happen from the onset.
What’s ironic about reaching this level of awareness, is that once you understand these concepts, many of you will find your consciousness level has changed. You’ll have made level-change, a deep identity level change. As a result: you may even find you no longer want, what you think you so desperately crave right now.
Not yet anyway.
So without further ado, let’s get right into it:
1.) A man must never EVER lose sight of his center of masculinity. He must never let a woman he’s involved with, take him off his path.
This next point I’m going to make is one of THE most confusing, and frustrating aspects of female nature there is. When we talk about the difference between men and women, we’re really talking about the difference between masculinity and femininity. There is no more stark or drastic of a difference between the sexes than this next point.
Here it is:
Women will often purposely ”end” a relationship, or involvement with a man, as a way to test whether or not he truly is the masculine center he portrays himself to be. The masculine center they want and need him to be.
Maybe she’s starting to doubt you, or the whole situation between the two of you. Women will then speak, or act in a way that will let the guy know that it’s ”over”. She’ll suggest she’s lost interest, or that things may not work out anymore.
Here’s the point of all this: 8 times out of 10, this is not what she’s actually doing, it’s just what she wants you to think she’s doing. She is really just trying to assess what your reaction is to her threat of leaving. Your reaction to this, and also how you react to it. Most women (the VAST majority of them), don’t even realize they are doing this by the way.
This is why some women may feel a sense of guilt and mild confusion (if they’re good women, some obviously are not) when they end things with a man. A small select number of women may feel this way afterward (if the man takes the bait) because they themselves cannot even understand why they did what they did. Or why they self-jeopardized or called everything off.
It’s not that she actually wanted to end things with you, it’s that she wanted you to react in the correct masculine way to her threat of leaving.
She wanted to know you weren’t weak, by how you would handle and react to the threat of her leaving.
Despite the words she was saying to you, what she really wanted was just for you to pass her test. She was subconsciously praying you wouldn’t be taken off your course. She wanted confirmation that you were a man that knew what his value was worth, and therefore would have no reason to be up in arms, or distraught over anything she threw at you.
And when you lose your shit when you lose your center, she now instinctively knows: you are not there yet. You are not ready for her yet. You are not a self-actualized man yet. And she cannot afford to be with a man that is not yet self-actualized (a higher quality woman can’t).
She cannot afford to be with a man that is not at least on his way to becoming self-actualized. The thing is if you think about it, a man that is obsessed with his purpose, that is obsessed with his vision of what he one day wants to become….in a way, that man already IS self-actualized.
Even if he’s not there yet by his own definition/standards.
If he’s obsessed enough, then it will be obvious to a woman that you’ll no doubt be getting there soon. She will be able to sleep at night knowing that you’re well on your way.
In other words: even if by your standards, you’re not there yet, most women can tell whether you’re serious enough (or not) about getting there. As long as in the meantime you are aware of your own value. And I mean you are REALLY aware of it.
You have to truly believe, down to your deepest core, that YOU…ARE…THE…MAN.
There cannot be a sliver, a SLIVER of doubt about this in your mind guys.
You have to truly believe it.
Most women get very angry when realizing you aren’t who they thought you were, and many have a ”I like I was feel duped” feeling.
This is why women often act so cold, calculating, and bitchy after a break up, like they’re a different person. Of course, it’s solipsistic and self-centered for a woman to only see a situation or the world), from this isolated point of view. All I can say to that is: you DID realize you were dealing with a woman here right?
It’s in a woman’s inherent, biological nature to be solipsistic.
You must also remember this: women do not have as much time as men. By their very nature they HAVE to be cut-throat, and oftentimes HAVE to be ruthless, when in the process of breaking things off with a man. Their timeline for pro-creating is much shorter than a man is.
Of course not every woman will deal with a breakup in the exact same way, but you can definitely spot the common patterns.
Realization #2:
2.) You should (right from the beginning) be coming from a healthy frame of mind.
When you meet a healthy girl you end up spending a lot of time with, chances are high you met her at a time in your life when you yourself were in a healthy state or frame of mind. It’s rare that you will meet or retain a good woman when you’re in an unhealthy state of mind.
So when you violate the laws of nature I’m describing here, and things go south when she ”breaks up” with you (which the woman will initiate 90% of the time, for all the reasons I’m describing here), naturally, your state of mind goes from being one of a healthy state to one of an unhealthy state.
This is what happened to me recently.
You start obsessing about her, you start thinking about her day and night. You torture yourself with memories of all the mistakes you made, and all the things you would have done better (had you known better). If you had just only known then, what you know now.
Racking your brain and re-analyzing it all, however, ironically…..makes it harder for her to come back to you. This frame makes it more difficult for you to re-attract her back into your life.
You cannot allow yourself to wallow in misery like this when this happens.
You cannot allow yourself to, once again: be taken off of your purpose. The only way to get her back is to not need to get her back. It’s to forget about her, to forget about your pain. To stop wallowing in self-pity and stop torturing yourself. You have to find or rediscover your deepest life purpose, which is NOT her, but your mission. You cannot make her your deepest purpose, you can NEVER make a woman your life’s mission, or your deepest purpose.
It can never be about her guys.
You have to be called to something higher, something that serves and helps people.
When you make her your purpose, and you make her your whole life: you are serving no one but yourself.
You are not even serving her. You think you are, you convince yourself you are, but the only one you’re truly serving is yourself.
A woman can never be truly happy being the center of a man’s life.
You are making her worse in the process by the way. You are making her sadder, and doing her a disservice, by obsessing over her and making her your life’s mission. This is perhaps the most counter-intuitive thing in the world to men when it comes to dealing with women, but nothing could be closer to the truth.
TRUST ME.
Women are simply INCAPABLE of feeling arousal or attraction to a man that behaves this way. A man that feels this way towards her. Its not in her biology to be attracted to this behavior from men, and its definitely not what attracted her to you in the 1st place.
Get back to your center. Get back to your healthy state of mind.
Realization #3:
3.) You have to know beforehand, EXACTLY what you’re looking for, & what you want out of every relationship you have with any woman.
This was perhaps my biggest problem. I was 110% sure of what I was and wasn’t willing to allow it to happen, in my dealings with this woman. I went into it thinking this was just going to be one of a few women I would date. A girl in my rotation.
However, I was not 110% committed to this decision. The decision that I would not allow for anything more than this develop with her. I did not have an iron will and constitution around this.
So I allowed myself to indulge, to see her more than one night a week, and without even realizing it was happening, I was developing feelings for her. As I’ll talk about in detail in part 2 of this article, this was not happening with her, to the extent, it was happening with me. As you’ll find out in part 2, this is not an uncommon experience for men (IF they allow themselves to be indulged, as I did).
You have to have a crystal clear image and decision made in your head, of what you are looking for in your life when it comes to your relationships with every woman. If you know you are not wanting a relationship, or a wife, or whatever, then do not allow situations to unfold, that lend themselves to that outcome.
This one may not seem like a big deal, but trust me: if you are not clear on what you are wanting in your life at a particular point in time, then this uncertainty will turn into something very messy, very emotional, and very disruptive.
In other words: heartbreak will very likely result.
CONCLUSION (OF PART 1):
Becoming red pill is not something that happens overnight, or in one or two weeks. It can often take years.
Sometimes a man even becomes centered but can allow deviation, without realizing he’s allowing it. This was a big part of what happened with me as well. This I believe has a lot to do with how long it’s been since the man 1st achieved his ”Centered” state of being. This deviation is more likely to occur with a man that’s only been centered a few years, than with one who’s been centered already for 20 years for example.
Stayed tuned for Part 2, there are several more very crucial points to cover here.
“Your woman knows your weaknesses better than anybody. She knows where you will falter and give up. She knows the degree of mediocrity you will settle for. And, she knows your true capacity as a full man, a man of free consciousness and love. Her gift, if she is a good woman, is to test you with her darkest moods, over and over and over, until your consciousness is unperturbed by feminine challenge, and you are able to pervade her with your love, just as you are here to pervade the world. In response to your fearless consciousness, she will drench your world in love and light.”
― The Way of the Superior Man
-Matt Mitchell
