”The most erotic moment for a woman is feeling that you are the divine masculine: unpenetrable, totally loving, fully present, and all-pervading. She cannot move you, because you already are what you are, with or without her. She cannot scare you away, because you already penetrate her in fearless love, pervading her heart and body. She cannot distract you, because your one-pointed commitment to truth will not bend to her wiles. Feeling this hugeness of love and freedom in you, she can trust you, utterly, and surrender her testing in celebration of love.”
-David Deida (Way Of The Superior Man)
Continuing our discussion here on the 5 all-time most important realizations about women, that I’ve ever had. If you missed Part 1, I highly encourage you to read that part 1st, doing so will allow this article to make more sense to you.
So what about trying to get back your ex?
Most of the time in all honesty this a bad idea. However, they are RARE exceptions where people mess up a good thing.
So if we assume the 2nd scenario is the case for a minute, as far as getting her back” is concerned, think of it like this:
She wants to come back. However the longer you keep pining for her, the longer it takes you to move on, and the more you keep thinking about her, the more you’ll continue to push her away. You’ll push her away more and more and more.
Even if she wanted to come back, be with you and start things over…this can never, ever happen when you’re still stuck in that unhealthy, needy state of mind I talked about in Part 1.
4.) Men fall in love with women, much faster than women do with men.
Women take longer than men do to fall in love. You must never never NEVER forget this.
She will say and/or do things, that will oftentimes leave you with the impression that she’s falling for you. Here’s the secret: its not YOU she’s falling for, its the experience and the emotions she’s feeling. Its the ”movie” she wants or feels unfolding right in front of her.
Yes….you may be what is eliciting these good feelings and emotions from her, and this is good (the more you can elicit these from her, the more she’ll associate these feelings with you), but you must always remember guys: its the feelings and emotions she is loving, not you.
At a certain point, you eventually replace these feelings and emotions in her mind, and you become what she loves instead of the emotions.
So yes, the woman will eventually fall for you, but it almost always takes at least a couple months before this happens. Women just take longer. Live long enough and you’ll eventually discover this (I’m trying to prevent you from having to learn it the hard way).
There are a few reasons for this, but the main one is that women have more to lose than men do, when considering whether or not to enter into a relationship with someone. By that I mean have less time. Time is the only thing we can never get back, its our most precious resource.
Again, like just about everything else in these articles, this boils down to the different biology of men and women. Its all subconscious.
For men its not like this. Men can and often do fall in love much quicker than the woman does. I’m not saying they fall in love with every woman they spend time with, what I am saying is:
It’s not uncommon for it to only take 3-5 weeks before men develop feelings for a woman they are seeing consistently.
At first, the attraction between both people will be very mutual, it will be very close and balanced out. It’s like this for about the first 3 weeks.
After about 3 weeks, the balance starts to tilt in the direction of the man liking the woman, more than she likes him. This is usually very subtle, but female nature and feminine energy, are able to detect this very quickly (even if only subconsciously).
Without her even realizing it, she’ll start to feel less attracted to the man as a result of this. She’ll internally feel that something is a little ”off”. Again: at this stage, this is very subtle and barely noticeable, at least to the man it is.
But sooner or later the woman will decide she has to do something. She’ll have to decide whether or not she can trust herself to fall for this man. She’ll subconsciously sense everything I’m describing here (that you are starting to fall a little for her, and that the balance is tilting).
She knows the relationship cannot continue on unbalanced like that. It has to go back to being balanced like it was in beginning. So what the woman will do, is she’ll give the man a huge test, as I described in Part 1. She’ll test whether or not the man can hold his frame when she drops the threat on him that she’ll be leaving.
Women have a myriad of ways in which they do this, and every woman does it a little differently.
A common example is when the woman will tell you she doesn’t think it’s a good idea (at this time) to keep things going in the direction they’re going.
The interesting thing about this is that the woman is not even lying when she says this. She actually means this as she’s saying it.
In her mind, she often doesn’t realize what she’s really doing here, is testing you. She fully believes and ”buys-into” what she’s telling you. However in her heart, in her core: she is really just testing you and hoping and praying that you pass it.
She doesn’t want to have to test the man like this, but she feels she has no choice. Her hypergamy demands it. She has to know if she is with the highest value man she can be with. In her feminine core: she has to know this.
Because to not know this, to take this on chance, means she faces much bigger more serious risks. Risks like safety, security, happiness, weak children, a lack of genuine burning attraction for you, etc.
To her those risks and consequences are far worse, than a few minutes of uncomfortable conversation in which she communicates to you she might be ”over” you.
The 2nd scenario, and oftentimes the more frustrating one (depends on the guy, the girl, and variables unique to each situation), is when the girl will behave in a way that betrays her previous actions and behavior. She will give off an illusion of disinterest and will watch you very closely to gauge your reaction to this behavior from her.
All of this of course is subconscious on her part. Most women are not tapped into this part of themselves, since her reasons for this are rooted in survival and replication.
Men have such a hard time understanding this about women, why women do all of what I’m outlining here. To men, it looks like self-sabotage. Men cannot understand why women do these things, because they themselves would never need to do these same tests with women.
It boils down to the inherent, biological and evolutionary differences between men and women.
Women NEED strong men, to feel any attraction for them in an interpersonal relationship.
Women need strong men for other reasons as well (safety, security, leadership, etc.). These serve as even further reasons why she’ll pull these tests.
The only way she can get wet for a man is to be with a strong, centered man. She will not feel attraction for a weak man. Weak men end up in her friend zone.
So the woman will unfold her version of ”the big test”, and if you pass it great. If you don’t pass it, however, then she’ll just buy fully into whatever it was she told you. She’ll move on, never even realizing that she wouldn’t have meant what she said if you’d just reacted differently (like a masculine man).
She’ll use any and every reason under the sun to justify or rationalize this. If the woman really likes or sees real potential in you, some women will even give you a 2nd or 3rd test. Chances to redeem yourself from your 1st failed the shit test.
This scenario is MUCH rarer, however, so I wouldn’t bank on this happening. Only if the girl really liked you, she might do this.
At the end of the day: everything I’m discussing here comes down to perceived value. A woman will only ever employ the big test, when or if she is starting to have doubts about you. If you never give her reasons to have these doubts, she’ll never feel the need to test you. Hypergamy is based on doubt.
Again: perceived value. Somewhere along the way, you said or did things that made her question your strength. You probably started losing your center (#1), and your frame.
If you fail these 2nd or 3rd tests, then its pretty much over, at least for the foreseeable future. The reason for this is because she never fell in love with you in the 1st place (women take longer).
She probably wanted to, but you never gave her the chance to. The way you give women a chance to fall in love with you, is by acting like a man, and by being the best version of yourself. The strongest, most centered and aligned version of yourself. By not deviating from this center, or if you do by going back to that center very quickly. Which you have a perfect opportunity to do, when she gives you this ”big test”. Yes…..the big shit test. The one that matters, the one that will often make or break things between the two of you.
A woman cannot fall in love with you, until you pass her big test.
The more experience with women and relationships you have as a man, the sooner you come to realize the things I’m outlining in this article.
You’ll just come to a point where you’ll intuitively know these things.
The next time the ”big shit test” comes with a new woman you’re seeing, you’ll recognize it for it is, and you’ll pass it with flying colors. You won’t have to go on the internet and seek out answers for what went wrong.
Life and experience are harsh harsh teachers my friend. Sometimes so harsh of teachers, that they’ll drive men to their deaths.
The inability to see things, to see the world and people (women) for how they really are, leads to a lot of confusion, frustration, depression, sadness, and anger. Every bad emotion you can conjure up.
Get too far into your life as a man without realizing these things, and it can get pretty dark, very quickly. You have got to learn from your mistakes. You have got to realize why things are happening. Women never do anything by accident, despite what many people will say. There is always a reason why a woman is saying, not saying, or doing, or not doing something.
Women are emotional creatures: they react to things, they do not want YOU to react to things that happen as well.
They’re already doing this. That’s what women do: they react. That is NOT what men do.
You have to stand firm. You have to truly truly believe: that you are the prize and that it’s her loss if she decides to leave, not yours. When you believe this, and I mean really believe it, she will believe it too, and if she comes to believe this too, she will realize then that she made a mistake.
She will realize she didn’t mean what she said, but rather just needed some ”reassurance”.
She may even tell you this. Think of it like a women’s own unique version of ”neediness”.
She will realize: ”Wow! It will be a while before I doubt this man, or this situation between us again”. She’ll come running back to you, with arms wide open. But before this can happen: you have to believe it, you have to truly internalize the belief.
Now of course:
At some point sooner or later, doubt will creep up again (usually because of a mistake you’ll make that will create doubt again in her mind), and she’ll then have to test you again.
Although it won’t be the degree of ”the big shit test”, it will most likely be a series of smaller shit tests.
This is okay and is normal. You just don’t want her to be testing you constantly, all the time. A test from a woman is a sign of her hypergamous doubt, so if she’s constantly testing you: then something is very wrong. If you suddenly notice that her tests are all the sudden getting more frequent, then that’s a sign that you need to start pay attention.
One last point I’ll make about this: if after reading this, you’re starting to realize where you went wrong, or where all your specific mistakes were made with a particular woman, you might be very tempted to pursue the woman and/or go after her.
Do NOT do this.
Doing this, like so much of what I’m talking about in this article, is another one of those counter-intuitive things that most men don’t understand about women. It seems logical and rational to men, that the ”solution” (we love solutions), is to go after her and show or tell her you know everywhere you went wrong with her.
This is appealing to us as men because our nature is such that we let logic, rationale, reason, and lastly emotion, dictate our decisions (in that order). The problem with this logic is that in the context of dealing with a woman: it’s fundamentally flawed. Women do not think or perceive the world the same way that men do.
Their brains are wired differently than ours are (which is the foundational truth underlying these 2 articles).
What you have to do instead, is the counter-intuitive opposite: you have to forget about her. You have to NOT chase her. You literally have to do the OPPOSITE of what you want, or think you should do. Doing this will make her wonder about you.
The more and the longer you wait to contact her, the greater your chances will get of her reaching out to you.
You cannot be the one to break this, it HAS to be her. And if she never reaches out to you, then it was too late already anyway, and it was never going to happen. Hey, it’s harsh but it’s true.
I’m going to repeat this part because it’s so damn important: If she does not reach back out to you, it was never going to happen again anyway, and you reaching out to her 1st, would never have changed that.
What I’m getting at here, is that you have to abide by the ”no contact” rule. It can not a ”temporary” thing you’re telling yourself you’re going to do for 30 days or whatever: NO…YOU HAVE TO NOT CONTACT HER, AND BE OKAY WITH IT STAYING THAT WAY, FOR REST OF YOUR LIFE.
The reason I’m stressing this part so much is because this was the hardest part for me (of everything you read here). This was so hard for me to understand and to drill down into my head. Adhering to and believing in this, and understanding why it’s necessary……is the only hope you will ever have of getting her back.
It is the ONLY hope you have.
I could say that 1,000 times and it wouldn’t be enough.
This next point here stands out a bit from the other ones on the list:
5.) Sometimes things between you & a woman will end for reasons that have very little to do with you.
This one here is not a popularly held opinion in the manosphere, but my own experience with a couple of these women has taught me this. I believe with this last girl for example, that only about 40%-60% of why things ended, had to do with me.
Let me explain.
What I mean by this, is that at least 40% of the reason why things between me and her ended, was because she was at a point in her life, where she felt she could not give to the relationship to the extent she felt she should be able to.
A relationship between two people is not about what you can ”get” from them, its about what you can give. This woman knew this. I don’t feel she felt she was at a point in her life, where she was able to do this. She even told me this in her own words.
Timing and prior relationships have a lot to with this one (ie how long its been since the last relationship ended for example). In the manosphere: men like to preach that everything boils down to taking full responsibility and all the blame, for every single reason why things don’t work out with a particular woman.
There’s this very binary, ”black or white” type of perspective towards these situations in other words.
Not every particular situation in life is binary, some carry a bit more complexity to them:
The truth is, life (in some areas) is more complex than that. It just is. As human beings, we like to read and hear about binary ”one extreme or the other” type of reasoning.
It simplifies things a lot for us.
This is especially true when we’re talking about the internet, and even more true when we’re talking about the ”manosphere”. The extreme point of views are what sell products, makes for great headlines, and what generates more clicks. It’s a form of clickbait.
This all fine and dandy, but I’m giving you the raw 110% truth here. I have no agenda whatsoever to sell you anything here or to get you to click on something.
Now I’m all about personal accountability, hopefully you know that by now if you’re at all familiar with my content. However, this point here, was something I noticed in my recent situation, and it’s not something I can ignore if I’m to wrap these articles up while keeping to my promise that I’d only give you the 110% truth.
When it comes to breakups, despite popular opinion: not everything is always about you.
This is confusing because most of the time: it IS about you, and it IS something you did or didn’t do. Just not in every single situation.
Now I will end this section here with a quick point. That point is that: I do believe a man can reach a certain level of perceived value, that a woman will continue to go along with things anyway, for fear of losing him. I do believe this happens once a man reaches a certain level.
However this is not necessarily a good thing. If a woman starts knowingly going against her better judgment and stays with you simply because she doesn’t want to lose out on your value offering, she will start to resent you. This resentment will create all kinds of drama for these men. We won’t go into detail on this here, but just know there are always trade-offs involved when the balance of something leans too far in one direction.
This is a law of life: its cause and effect. Perhaps at a later date, we can go into more detail on that.
Let’s continue:
CONCLUSION (Track her Ovarian cycles):
To conclude this, let me say that I very highly recommend that you track her ovarian cycles. You need to learn what these are, and everything you can about what each stage of her cycle means. The different types of behavior changes that are common in women as they go through these cycles.
I’m not going to go into detail on these in this article, but just know that this is the final piece of everything I’m telling you here. Until I write my article describing these, just understand that knowing and having a firm understanding of the female ovarian cycle: will do absolute wonders for you.
Here is the best app I have found that tracks this, you can download this right to your phone to start tracking her cycle (or the next girl you start seeing).
With this said it will be up to you to do your own research and learn as much as you can about women and the behavioral changes they go through in each stage of their cycle.
Here’s a great, informative video that will get you started on this.
This is an extremely important part man, so don’t skip this part.
I hope you learned something here men. It took me years to arrive at these realizations. There were years that went by where I was peripherally aware of them, but I didn’t take them seriously. Don’t do this guys, don’t make the mistake I did: the minute you become enlightened to the truths about women, pay respect to these truths.
Don’t pretend they aren’t there or don’t apply to a particular girl. They pertain to ALL women, whether you want them to or not. They are rooted in nature, and so they are never going to change. Accept reality and nature for how it really is, not what you’ve been told to believe it is, or what you ”want” it to be.
Don’t think you know better, or one day I’ll be here telling you: ”I told you so”.
-Matt Mitchell
