Over the course of my life, I’ve mostly remained single. This was a very conscious choice of mine for a long time. Along the way, I noticed there were a lot of people, that were just absolutely floored by this, and couldn’t understand it.
They just couldn’t fathom how or why a young good looking man would remain single for so long. At first, I was just as floored by their opinions as they apparently were of mine. The older I get however, the more I can understand where their confusion came from.
Coming to understand their view, resulted from a combination of growing wiser, reading books, and having life experience. These 3 factors helped me understand their source of confusion all these years.
So why did I chose to live this way? Well there were a lot of reasons, of which I’ll outline below. There’s probably many of you out there that were like me (I’m no longer single), and I think hearing me voice what my reason’s were might help you clarify what your reasons are.
You might even be able to voice some of these same reasons when responding to someone who asks you. The real point here is this: its important to understand all the reason’s for why you make the life choices you make. It’s important for you to know, not them.
If you make the conscious choice (like I did) to remain single, sure people will ask you, but what’s most important is understanding for yourself why you’re doing it.
I think all too often we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, and we forget the core reasons why. We forget why we are where we are, and why we are who we are. Its not good to go too long without these reasons still at the forefront of your mind. Having them at the forefront helps you to be more self-actualized.
I’m at an interesting crossroads in my life currently. While I’ll be giving you my reasons for staying single all these years, at the same time I’m also going to discuss how my views on it are currently changing.
It’s not everyday that you can talk about yourself changing when you’re right in the middle of the changes that are occurring. This is where I am right now: I’m changing.
At some point, months or perhaps years from now, you will change too. When you reach the point where you start changing in this area, you’ll come back to this article and read it, and you’ll draw perspectives from it. Whether you’re happy being a single bachelor right now, or you’re happy in your relationship, I encourage you to read this article either way.
It will help clarify or reinforce certain things in your own mind.
So here have been my reasons for remaining single all these years:
1.) Freedom.
Its shocking to me, absolutely shocking, how little men value their freedom of choice when it comes to women. To me, this is reason enough all by itself to stay single. There are very few things in life, that are more valuable than freedom. Why then, do men so willingly, and so quickly give up their freedom in this area, and commit themselves to one woman for the rest of their lives?
The rest of your life: one woman, that’s it. That’s the commitment to end all commitments. I guess I take my commitments VERY seriously, and in knowing that, its stopped me from even just entertaining the idea of a girlfriend, let alone a wife.
Freedom is so precious and so valuable. The ability to come and go as I please, and not be shackled to one woman has no doubt been the #1 reason I’ve chosen to stay single all these years.
Does this reason still ring true for me? Between the years of 2004 and 2017, everything I mentioned above was exactly how I felt. As you get older however, your opinion can start to change slightly, and I believe mine is starting to do that on this one. Not completely, but with regard to the statement I made above of ”only being with 1 woman the rest of your life”. Nowadays, at age 32, I’m starting to look at this a little differently.
How?
Well nowadays…..I don’t have such an ”all or nothing” way of looking at it. Now I question whether so much has to be decided upon from the very beginning. Plans usually end up changing along the way anyway, so to try to decide or plan out everything (before it even starts), can oftentimes end up being a waste of time.
If you’re getting along nicely with a particular girl, why not just let it unfold naturally? Week by week, and month by month. It will inevitably get to a point however, where she’ll want you to commit to her, and at that point you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself how much you really value your freedom.
Some single guys have this freedom, but aren’t really taking advantage of it. This can happen when a man gets all consumed by work, or his life mission. Chasing girls around town, becomes less important than the mission.
Maybe you’re not ”chasing them” necessarily, but you’re instead are just indulging in a bunch of back and forth texting. This is still time and energy consuming, and takes your focus away from your mission. This was the problem with me very recently, I had the freedom, but I knew in my heart, that the more energy, attention, and focus I put into my sex life, the more it was distracting me from my life’s mission and my work.
The last reason my views are changing, is because (other than a relatively short relationship I had with a girl 2-3 years ago), I’ve had now 14 years of freedom in this area.
There was another girl about 7 years ago that I took a shine to, but she wasn’t my girlfriend. Just an infatuation I had at that time in my life.
14 years of freedom and choice is a long time in this area, so in short: I’ve gotten my fix of it.
2.) Undivided Attention Towards Work.
Again, I briefly mentioned above, it used to be that the reason I avoided relationships was out of fear (or in some cases ”knowing”) that my attention towards work/making money, would be compromised by the addition of a girlfriend in my life. And that actually was true, for a number of years.
Nowadays, I’m starting to feel the opposite is the case however. Although I haven’t proven it to myself yet, but what I feel I’m discovering now is that having a girlfriend would actually help me focus more on work and making money.
The problem I believe, was that I was just dating the wrong girls. There were a few reasons for this. The main reason being that I did not know what qualities to look for in a girl. This is now no longer the case, thanks to getting older, wiser, and more self-actualized.
Reading good blogs and books were the main contributors (behind life experience) that helped me to become wiser and more self-actualized these last few years. I’ve grown a lot since age 28, and I believe that can be heavily attributed to those books and blogs.
Dating the wrong women, or toxic women in other words, will most definitely distract you from your work and productivity. The right girl however, should do just the opposite of this.
Also what I’ve started to discover, is that living the ”player lifestyle”, is not conducive to running a business, while simultaneously trying to build up a another one (my situation). A business takes up so much of your time, energy, focus, and attention, that its very difficult to also be running game, and be juggling multiple women on the side.
Being a player (if you’re doing it right), is a full time job. Make no mistake about that: it is a full time job.
In my younger years I had the youthful energy to go out 3 nights a week and still do a pretty good job at work (I’ve always worked on commission, so I’m no stranger to busting my ass).
The difference in those days was that even though it was all commission, I wasn’t the boss, and now I am. So there’s a lot more I’m responsible for now. Even with help of things like kratom, phenibut, gorilla mind, or testosterone, I still don’t have the natural energy I had at age 28.
I think this actually has just as much to do with having life experience, as it does with having actual energy. What do I mean by that?
Well, I’m wise enough nowadays, to know that oftentimes saying NO to a night out on the town is just because I know it’s not worth it. It’s not worth the lack of motivation, energy, and productivity I’ll have the next day. Let’s face it: I still experienced hangovers on Sundays even when I was 28.
So maybe its not even that I had more energy after all, maybe its all just a matter of being wiser and having more awareness now (from the life experience).
Studying GoodLookingLoser.com and Roosh V material every day, going out multiple nights a week, having girls over a couple nights a week, constantly texting back and forth: its all taking up your precious focus. All of that focus that is being taken away from your business/work, and is instead going towards the fulfillment of a better social life.
Just be mindful of the fact that this is what’s happening. Let me rephrase this one more time: Energy and focus is being compromised in the area of work and focus, and is being re-directed towards the social/relationships part of your life.
Your life is split up into 3 key areas:
1.) Wealth Building/Work/Making Money, Finances/Mission.
2.) Health/Body/Fitness/Diet.
3.) Girls, Sex Life/Social Relationships/Friendships.
Individually, you can see there are different specific categories within each area, but they are all clearly related to each other.
As I discuss right here, if you’re in your 20’s this is perfectly fine for most part, but once you start to hit about age 30 or so, business and making money commonly becomes the central focus (as it should).
3.) No Matter How Much I Liked A Girl’s Personality, I Still Couldn’t Get Past Common Shallow Shortfalls.
These common shallow shortfalls included:
1.) Her Weight.
2.) How Pretty Her Face Was.
3.) How Photogenic She Was.
4.) Her Age.
In a perfect world maybe these things wouldn’t matter, but we don’t live in perfect world do we? Call me shallow, but to this day I haven’t changed my view towards these 4 factors. That’s not to say that if I really liked a particular girl, I couldn’t look past a shortcoming in one or few of these areas, but she would have to really impress me in several other areas for me to overlook these.
For example she might really impress me in the area of being genuinely kindhearted, or being of the feminine type that I’m looking for. She might be very supportive of my work goals (including my/this blog), where other girls might not be, etc.
These physical shortfalls don’t paint the whole picture obviously, but they should be considered. Don’t kid yourself here and be honest: this is a girl you’re going to be investing a lot of your time with. If society deems these to be shallow considerations, then fine I guess that makes us shallow, but make no mistake these factors do matter and should be seriously considered (weight, face, photogenic, age).
I will say here however that as I’ve gotten older (currently age 32), I’m more inclined to spend my time with a girl that is pleasant to be around, instead of just nice to look at. Unlike a few years ago, where all I cared about was the physical component of a girl, nowadays my time is just too valuable for that to be the only thing I consider. So in that regard, I have changed a little.
4.) No Trust.
This is something I’ve struggled with ever since my 1st girlfriend cheated on me and left me for another guy. Although it was young love, that experience scarred me beyond anything you can even comprehend, and created a paranoia in me that effects me to this very day. In fact, it was so bad that I blocked it out of my memory for years.
I feel things very deeply, and I’m very passionate person. I put myself wholeheartedly into everything I do. At a young age, I wasn’t yet used to the way women operated. I wasn’t used to the fleeting way they can care deeply about you one day, and then forget you even exist the next.
This created in me a deep level of distrust towards women. Even to this day I tread very lightly when it comes to getting my emotions involved with a woman. Getting a emotional over a girl, can ruin a man. It can drive him to do insane things, even suicide. So always be very very careful: guard your emotions like you’re guarding Fort Knox.
Its been so long now that it doesn’t really matter anymore anyway (time heals all wounds). Nevertheless it happened, and because it happened to me very early on, I actively avoided relationships for the next 14 years of my life.
Watching my parents go through a divorce, and then watching each of them go through another divorce (with the people they married after that), didn’t help matters either.
5.) My Desire To Bed Foreign Women (While Traveling).
Any guy that’s into the men’s self improvement movement, is familiar with the notion of sleeping with foreign girls. There’s not much to say on this one, its pretty self-explanatory: I wanted (and I want) to fuck foreign women. Period.
To Be Continued In Part 2 (Reasons 6-11).
-Matt Mitchell
