How you see yourself is everything. To think otherwise would be an act of intentional blindness.
Of all my closest friends and family, the root of every problem I see them struggle with has to do with their inability to see themselves in a positive light.
I’ve been thinking a lot about friends and family lately.
I have an estranged sister who’s hooked on meth, and on the verge of being homeless at the moment. Perhaps that’s one of the reason’s for me thinking of family lately.
My sister and I have never been close. We’ve always had very opposing personalities.
I didn’t even start writing this article (5 minutes ago) with the intention of discussing her problems, and I wont, but I cant help but notice her problems fall right in line with where I was going with this article.
She has never looked at herself in a completely positive light. If she ever did, it was a very long time ago. She had the same upbringing as me, the same parents, and was taught the same life principals that my brother and I were.
And yet all 3 of us turned out VERY different from one another. My brother and I have several similar interests, however beyond that we’re extremely different.
I believe it all has to do with how we see ourselves.
My sister’s self esteem is in the gutter, and has been for years. I think she may have been raped at one point about 10-11 years ago by a stranger. She then became a stripper and started dating an abusive boyfriend, who abused her physically and emotionally.
I didn’t know this until after the fact.
What I know now, is that if I ever see this piece of garbage she used to call her boyfriend, I’ll rip his neck out with my bare hands.
Not to go off on a tangent here, but he did have a profound impact on how she saw herself after that. It has since affected the rest of our family, to one degree or another, for the last 10 years (especially my mother).
How you view yourself is everything.
It amazes me how things can happen in our lives that can alter how we see ourselves. For example a friend of mine, has largely let himself go over the last 10 years. Mainly his weight, as he’s put on probably about 40-50 lbs. since then.
His career has also suffered. With a college degree, and someone that made all A’s and only a few B’s in college, he’s allowed himself to accept a salary of only $35-40K per year for the last several years. He’s in the prime years of his working life (currently 32), and he’s been flushing it down the toilet, working a job he hates for a shit paycheck.
What good did all those A’s and B’s do? I cared less than he did in college, and didn’t excel grade wise until the last few semesters. I graduated, but by no means made awesome grades.
And my income has been double what his has been for the last 2-3 years.
Again, what good did all that studying do?
Recently the guy has FINALLY started to smarten up and is now wanting to start his own business, and lose weight.
Good for him. Long way to go still, but his head’s finally in a better place. For the last 10 years of his life, he has allowed his self image to deteriorate. If you ask me, it was too much idiot-box television watching every night.
While he was consuming brainless TV, I was reading (devouring) books and self improvement blogs. It may sound like I’m shitting on my sister and my friend, but the fact of the matter is: they did to themselves.
They have NO ONE to blame for how their lives have turned out, but the person staring back at them in the mirror.
Luckily for them, they’re all still fairly young and could still turn it around. Whether or not they will remains to be seen.
I don’t sit around all day thinking about them, but I want to use pieces of their life stories to illustrate an important lesson.
That important lesson is this: Take sharp notice of how you view yourself, the things you tell yourself every day, and the nature of the thoughts that consume your mind. I cant say it enough times, its ALL rooted in the perception you have of yourself.
Your ”self-esteem” in other words. My self esteem for example, is extremely positive. Although in some of my articles, I may sound a bit frustrated, that’s only because I know I have great advice to give people, and too often it will fall on deaf ears.
It can be hard not to get frustrated by that.
Perhaps you can relate.
You can see someone’s problems as clear as day, you give them advice on how to get over these problems (even when they actually solicit you for it!), and then they take to your advice and twist it around until it becomes something different altogether.
After their done with it, its not even the same thing anymore, they’ve manipulated the advice into something entirely different, and then they wonder why they didn’t get results.
People just amaze me.
My self esteem, is such that I know I am destined for great things. I KNOW my life will turn out the way I want it to. I absolutely WILL NOT settle for anything less than what I deserve, and anyone that gets in my way will be dealt with in the harshest possible fashion.
I can promise you that.
Anyone that tries to compromise my happiness, my dreams, and my goals, will be eliminated. Luckily, so far no one has posed a serious threat to my goals (most people wont, especially if you have a strong presence and self image).
It takes some balls to fuck with someone who’s clearly on a mission, someone who’s determined. Most people don’t have balls, and a good many of them are cowards, afraid to go after their goals and dreams.
So to summarize, if you have problems here’s the solution for you: CHANGE HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF.
That is accomplished by changing your mindset. Daily attention and self examination will be necessary for you change. Read books on mindset, study it, immerse yourself in it. The best book on mindset that I’ve ever read is this one.
This will require patience, and discipline. Rome wasn’t built in day. Day by day, week by week, you’ll start to out the pieces together.
You will start to see yourself the way you always should have: As a winner of the game of life.
-Matt Mitchell
