Continuing our discussion on this topic. In part 1 of this article, I talked about the challenging questions men ask about themselves. Specifically, how they see themselves in relation to attractive women, the game, confidence, attraction and dating.
I’ll do my best to answer those questions in this article, and also talk about why building a business or career might be a better thing to focus on.
The answer is going to come down to: who you are, and where you are right now in your life.
Here’s my take:
If you were one of those guys in high school or college that wasn’t ”popular” and didn’t get a lot of attention from girls, chances are high that this is a pain point for you.
I think this is especially true if you already posses qualities that women find attractive. This is a important point and is very often overlooked.
Maybe you’re a good looking guy, maybe your shredded or in great shape, maybe you’re white, tall, and/or make a lot of money. Hell maybe you dress well, or even have a lot of friends or a big social circle.
Yet you still have challenges when to comes to women. You still lack the confidence to approach one’s you don’t know. You don’t know what to say when you call them, or text them, etc. You can’t figure out why you always get friend-zoned or why you always seem to screw things up.
Having advantages other guys don’t, make these struggles even more of a bitch to deal with because its bigger blow to your ego, and possibly your self-esteem. You have advantages other guys don’t and you still cant get the results you want, ouch.
Well looking back at my life, and the lives of my friends, I remember what it was like to deal with these questions. Without knowing your specific situation, what I can tell you is its still likely that your problem is that you haven’t been in the game long enough.
It’s either that, or you’re not playing the game to win. In other words, you’re not playing the game effectively.
This may be frustrating for you to hear me say, but dammit sometimes the truth hurts, and I’m not here to sugar coat things for you. I’m hear to tell you what no one else apparently will (or maybe they’ve been trying but you’ve been tuning it out).
You see your closest friends, can always see what you’re not able to see. They can always see what your problem is so much easier, and faster than you can.
They can usually take one look at you, and immediately know exactly what your problem is.
The problem is they’re your friends, and oftentimes when it comes to your friends advice, your ego gets involved. It’s often difficult to hear your friends tell you what you’re doing wrong, and it stings more.
This is usually because you know they’re right, that’s what makes it sting.
It’s also hard because you immediately want to tell them what they’re not able to see about themselves either, but that’s a different conversation.
If you really truly want to know what you are doing wrong, ask you closest friends, they’re probably chomping at the bit to tell you anyway. Then you just sit there and you take it. You don’t argue with them either, even if you want to.
Your resistance to the truth is what’s keeping you stuck right where you are. It’s also what got you there in the first place. If you already knew about everything you were doing wrong, chances are you would’ve fixed it by now.
Speaking generally, if you’re one of the guys I described who didn’t have success with girls in high school or college, then this is an area you’ll spend the decade of your 20’s working on. All the way up to about age 30 usually.
It gets hard to generalize here because every guy’s experience is different.
Usually though, 30 is the age where you are start to come into who and what you are. Things start to click and make sense. Formally puzzling questions about the world, and your place within it come clearly into focus. Not all of them, but a lot of them do.
If you were single throughout most of your 20’s, this is also probably the point where you start burn out. By that I mean start to get burnt out on the game of dating. The ironic part is that once you hit 30 and start figuring out who you are, this is also when the women start really noticing you. And the point at which your sexual market value starts to escalate (for a man this happens all the way up to age 40). Funny how things work out sometimes.
Another challenge a guy who’s about 30 starts to face (if he’s been single for most of his 20’s), is he may start to feel a little empty inside. At least in terms of the area of his life with women. This may not be from a lack of success in being able to attract or sleep with them. It’s more so due to a lack of intimacy and human connection.
Well it kind of is honestly, but what I will tell the guys who are in this situation is this: Just endure and keep going.
Keep moving forward every day. Take one step every day towards your goals and sooner or later, this will be just another part of your life that will be behind you.
Don’t misunderstand me either and think I’m suggesting you should just wait around and hope things get better.
You’ll never hear a suggestion like that coming from me.
I think you need to take a look at your life and current situation and do a personal audit. If what I described is you (and you already know if it is), then you need to come up with a realistic, actionable, time-sensitive goal for getting a girlfriend.
If for no other reason than just to get yourself out of that mental state of emptiness. Seriously, it’s not good for you and you don’t want to be anywhere near that. Guys do need intimacy and human connection every so often, there’s nothing at all wrong with that.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve always been happy being that guy that’s single. Over time, things will change for you. You’ll start to want different things, you’ll evolve. This is healthy and necessary. In business for example, if you forget to evolve, you quickly become extinct. Extinction by forgetting to evolve will always happen sooner rather than later (especially in business).
Business (and life for that matter) is unforgiving that way. It’s always moving forward whether you’re ready for it to or not. They aren’t going to wait for you just because you weren’t paying attention. That’s your own damn fault.
There are too many other people that were paying attention and life isn’t going to slow down just for little old you.
So around age 30, you’ve reached the point where its time to go ”ALL IN”, on building a business or career. There are examples of people who started later than that, but the world is different place now, and things are moving much faster than in previous decades.
If you don’t get it together now, you’ll miss out on the ”getting while the getting’s still good”.
If you’re a man, 30 is when the shift needs to happen if it hasn’t already. There may still be work left to do in the area of your life that pertains to women, but by this point you’ve had enough time to figure that out.
Now if you’re 38, and already have your business built up, then you have the luxury of putting some of that focus back into achieving success with women (whatever your definition of that is). But if you haven’t solidified your business yet, then I’m sorry pal but it’s time to shift your focus.
The only other exception I suppose, would be if the business you were building was about helping other guys achieve success with women. In that case however, you would really have to already know what you were doing (and therefore be able to teach from a place of authenticity).
But even then, if you’re not already able to speak authentically about how to attract women by 30, then you probably shouldn’t build a business around teaching it anyway. You don’t have enough experience and it will take too long before you do.
I don’t recommend starting a business around attracting women anyway. Even if you are the ”real deal”. I actually tried that myself and the market is pretty saturated at this point. You would’ve had to get in while the ”getting was good” which for that market was back in 2005-2014 (the PUA era).
The ”get it while the getting’s good” era of today is of that of: entrepreneurship, online digital business like blogs/brands, and e-commerce stores. The world is online nowadays, and it doesn’t look like that will change anytime soon.
Conclusion: if you’re between the ages of 22-28, and you’re one of those guys that still struggles in the area of women, I think its VERY important for you to get that handled. And when I say that I do mean at the expense of starting a business.
Chris from GoodLookingLoser also agree’s with me, see here.
Now if you’re in that age range and you’re already on the path to the business you want, then great, just make sure its doesn’t consume every waking minute of your life (owning a business sometimes can do that).
I’ll even go so far as to say I don’t think you should start a business until about age 27 (chances are you don’t know enough about life yet).
There are always exceptions to the rule, and maybe you’re the exception, but I have to speak to the category that most guys reading this fall into (sorry all you ”exceptions to the rule” out there).
(For the record: I wasn’t one of those exceptions either, so don’t feel bad. There will always be someone out there doing better than you.)
If you still struggle in the area of confidence with women, and are between the ages of 22-28, then in my opinion you need to make overcoming that your primary focus.
Because if you don’t, it will will eat away at you later and might cause a mid-life crises (random example: Sean McNamara from the show Nip Tuck).
Make it your primary focus even if its only for 4-6 months. If you can, ideally you want it to be more like 1.5-2 years. Worst case, 4-6 months is the bare minimum.
4-6 months as long as during those months you really and truly are going ”ALL IN”. Soaking up all the knowledge and experience that you can. You’re also spending at least 1 hr. a day watching self-help products pertaining to confidence and attracting women.
Chris from GoodLookingLoser has a TON of awesome material on his site. So much that it might be hard to get through all of it. Another good source are Will’s articles from RevolutionaryLifestyleDesign.com.
I would start with the free stuff first (YouTube), and if that’s not getting you the results you want, then start buying products.
So that’s my take guys. I really do believe the point in my life where I got serious and got my issues with women handled was an extremely important period for me. I learned a lot about myself (in similar ways that owing a business taught me a lot about myself).
It was crazy time, with a lot of unforgettable experiences, and I wouldn’t trade those experiences back for anything.
If you’re 30 and haven’t experienced that, then I’m sorry man.
What you have to realize is that you’ve reached the point of diminishing returns. You can no longer put building a business or career 2nd to picking up women, because you’re at the point now where that will hurt you more than it will help you.
Life isn’t all about being good with women. The truth is: if it were really that much of a pain point for you, you would’ve had it handled by now anyway.
It’s not all its cracked up to be either. They are countless guys out there who sleep with tons of women and are miserable inside.
Having different women around all the time gets old real fast in my opinion. It’s exhausting, mentally and physically draining, it distracts you and its expensive. While nice at first, before long all that hormonal moodiness starts to rub off on you.
Your own emotions start to spike up and down (hence what I said about being exhausted all the time). It’s not good for man’s mental state if he’s constantly shooting all over the emotional scale. A man is better served having a constant, un-moving mental emotional state.
Women are too, but unfortunately for them they’re wired the other way.
So there are pro’s and cons but honestly the cons start to outweigh the pro’s after the first few months of living life like you’re Charlie Harper.
I’d love to hear your own opinions and experience, leave your comments below.
Until next time,