One of most overlooked reasons why some men struggle with attracting women is their lack of a decent social life. Human beings are creatures that need to be around other people. Not all the time, but a decent portion of it.
When you aren’t, and then you go out into a crowded venue with attractive women everywhere, it causes you to be too ”inside your head”.
This creates nervousness and anxiety. Even though there are remedies to this, its not an effective mental state to be in, and girls will pick up on your strange, introverted state pretty quickly.
When your social life sucks, and you don’t have friends (or the right ones), it messes with a man and his confidence. Most of the time he’s not even aware of this, but it comes across in how he communicates with women.
So many men don’t realize that if they focused on getting this part of their life in better shape, a lot of other perks would follow, with the obvious one being attention from more women.
I know this because at one point in my life this was me. I’m a lone wolf by nature, but years back I realized I’d been overdoing it and not putting myself out there enough.
It took me years to figure this out. Don’t make this same mistake. I snapped myself out of it, got out there and rekindled some friendships that I had let slip.
What followed was several years of an abundant social life: margarita balls, charity events, happy hours, and more women than I had time for.
Cultivating a better social life or ‘’circle’’, for yourself may not be as hard as it seems. Every guy reading this is in a different situation. Some guys will inevitably be harder cases than others.
Chances are if you’re one of the guys that tends to spend a lot of time at home, isolating yourself (playing video games, surfing the internet, watching movies or TV all the time), then you could benefit from this advice.
You see, when you do this to yourself too often (seclude yourself at your place away from the world), without even realizing it, you quickly become socially awkward.
You lose the ability to easily converse and relate to other people in a relaxed normal way. You’re not relaxed because being out and about is outside of your usual element. You have to focus harder, and pay attention more. You have to flex social skill muscles that atrophy when you stay inside all the time.
As recently as a few weeks ago, I went out on a Friday night after having not been out for about 2 weeks, and the difference was very noticeable to me.
I had stayed in, intentionally in an effort to get a couple projects completed, but as with everything in life, things can fall out of balance when you take from one part of yourself and give to another.
Sometimes this is actually a good thing to do (it actually was for me in this example, because of what I was able to accomplish, despite the temporary social setback). Be careful however, its very easy to fall into a cycle of justifying the same things to yourself in your head too often.
Before you know it, years of your life will go by and you’ll wake up stuck somewhere you don’t want to be. Don’t let years go by only to wake up and realize that you’ve been of neglecting certain aspects of your life.
Remember: You are your own worst enemy most of the time.
Even going from 2 times a week down to once a week I noticed a difference. For me, I now know that I need to go out twice a week to keep my social skills level. By going out I mean not sitting in front of a computer all day.
If you don’t want to go to the bars more than one night a week then fine (good actually), the other social session could be a local meetup event (like minded entrepreneurs perhaps), group fitness class, or a charity event. Be creative. You’ll find that there are actually plenty of different things you can do, on a weekly basis, to keep your social life and skills from decaying.
Other good places to meet women during the day: coffee shops, bookstores, and malls.
Figure out who the people are in your life that are good influences, that you relate to on the basis of age, interests, goals, and hobbies. These are the guys you need to be friends with and do things with on a weekly basis. If this person has a lot of other social acquaintances, that’s even better because they can introduce you and help you cultivate a social network too.
Sometimes it only takes one very well-connected friend and that’s all you need. This was the case with me for years. I had one extremely well connected friend that seemed to know everyone in dallas. Now I have 2 which is even better. You see that’s the part that guys forget about: its not you that has to ”go out and find/meet all these people”, you only have to have one friend who’s already done this (or one well-connected friend), and he’ll connect you to everyone else.
You’ll never be without things to do, in fact eventually you’ll have to start saying no to social invites more often than you’ll say yes.
Poof!! And there’s your social life. It really is that simple, don’t make this more complicated than it needs to be. Social status is another topic, and isn’t the same thing as having a good social life/circle is. My views on social ”status” are very apparent and can be found here.
Having a social life however, and being plugged ‘’into the know’’ of what’s always happening, is attractive to women, and it also gives you options.
In today’s digital age, this is so much easier to do than it used to be, so remember that and take advantage of it. Use social media as an aid to help you get plugged into whats happening locally that week (but don’t get caught up in imaginary social ”status” bullshit, even if everyone else is)
Until next time fellas,
Live Intentionally
-Matt Mitchell
