As the man, you need to set the terms by which the relationship between you and a woman, will unfold.
What do I mean by this? Quite simply what I mean by this, is this: take charge.
Don’t waste time talking to her endlessly back and forth over a dating app.
Don’t waste time going back and forth with a woman over text.
Tell her you prefer to get to know her in person. You do not need, nor do you want: a pen pal guys.
Women are much worse about this than men are. You guys have to realize that women absolutely CRAVE attention. There is nothing, nothing in this world that a woman loves and craves more, than attention. And if you give too much of this to her, she will milk you for everything you’ve got to give.
YOU need to set the terms, YOU need to take charge, YOU need to take command, and tell her: let’s meet on this night or that night, for drinks. Tell her to let you know what night is easier for her (its okay and its good to give her a couple options).
If she starts playing games and giving you wishy washy responses, then dump her ass guys.
There are million women out there, for you to get all hot bothered by one of them.
Quick Tip: Don’t start talking about the 2nd or 3rd ”date” with her, while you’re still only the 1st one.
Doing this communicates neediness and inexperience with women (in general). This may not seem like a big deal, but women pick up on subtle things like this, and they don’t like it. They may not even be aware they don’t like it, but that’s irrelevant (there’s a lot of things women aren’t aware of when it comes to how they operate). What matters is that they don’t, and what history has taught us about them.
Another Quick Note: as a man, if you’re not getting 2nd date or 3rd date’s out with women, even this is only a somewhat frequent occurrence, that’s still a sign and is something you should take note of.
If this describes you, here’s a tip for you:
Only meet women out for drinks, or coffee (on the 1st meetup).
NEVER meet a woman for ”lunch”, or for ”dinner” when meeting her out for 1st time. Meeting her for lunch or dinner, is going to set up the wrong frame between the two of you right from the onset.
You’re not a sugar daddy, and you’re not looking to become a provider to a woman. Even if you ARE looking for something more long term, you still don’t want to frame yourself as the provider-type. There is nothing sexy, dangerous, or adventurous about being seen as a provisioning male, or a ”provider” type.
If that’s what you end up becoming to her later on (as a natural result of the relationship) fine, but you don’t want her to ”see” you as that, in the 1st few months. There’s a big difference guys.
Be very careful NEVER to give off the vibe to a woman that you’re afraid to lose her.
The best way to do this (in the BEGINNING of a relationship), is to ALWAYS be seeing more than 1 woman at once.
This can change, once you’re about 2 months in, however in the beginning….this is very very important.
Otherwise you will subconsciously put too much pressure on the 1 girl that you’re seeing, and trust me: almost all women will resent you for this.
She will hate you for this, and the worst part is, she won’t even know why.
She won’t know why and because she won’t know why, she’ll sometimes feel guilty and even more resentful towards you, because you’re the one driving her to feel that way. At the end of the day, she’ll resent you for ultimately just being another guy that came into her life that ‘’didn’t get it’’.
That made her the center of his whole world.
When a woman tells you she thinks you two of you, now need to go you’re separate ways (and sooner or later, she WILL….if you don’t tell her this 1st that is), you won’t care because you’ll know that you have 2 or 3 other women that you’re also seeing.
When you’re almost completely non-reactive about her telling you this, which to her, will be so out of the ordinary, and so different than what she’s used to: that she’ll be completely unsure how to react to it.
It will be so far out of left field to her, that she literally won’t know how she is supposed to feel (because she’ll have never experienced it before, or it will have been so long since the last time she did, that she won’t remember how she dealt with it).
This will be the case because of how rare it is for men to react this way (to a woman they’re seeing telling them this).
Every other guy she said this to reacted emotionally, or badly in one way or another. The point: he was very REACTIVE. And he was reactive because she was the only girl he was seeing at the time.
Doing this is also going to drive her crazy because you didn’t give her what she wanted, which was a reaction out of you (more on this in a minute). This will drive her absolutely nuts. There are so many beneficial things that ”reacting with indifference” will do for you here, that I could probably spend the next hour talking about it.
Indifference makes the difference, when it comes to women. That’s something I heard a long time ago, and its more true now than it was even back then.
I’m going to tell you guys something about life that I’ve learned: very often its the counter-intuitive response (or approach to things), that will work best.
Get used to women you’re seeing telling you this, because its going to happen a lot, especially if you fully embrace this ”spinning plates” mentality (or in other words: dating non-exclusively).
About half the women you date (not all them, but half of them), are going to want you to commit to them exclusively. They’ve been conditioned to want monogamy, because of the period of time/century they grew up in. When you don’t give in to this (and you shouldn’t in my honest opinion if you’re under the age of 33, then she’ll either comply and accept the fact that you’re sleeping with other women, or she won’t).
And some women won’t comply guys, big deal, that’s a reality of the SMP you’re going to have to get used to. When they don’t comply, it will usually be because they’ll end up settling for some ”beta-bucks” type of provider-male.
The point I’m getting at here is this men: Don’t be afraid, in your younger years, to remain non-exclusive. Understand that you were programmed, from a very young age, to think monogamy is the ultimate end-goal.
I’m here to tell you: its not. That’s not the main thing in your life that has to necessarily bring your happiness. You’ve been conditioned your whole life to believe it is, but just because you’ve been conditioned to believe that, doesn’t make it true. True happiness and contentment, should come from inside of you.
(Remaining non-exclusive has worked very well for me in my own life for example, and has afforded me an abundance of opportunities in my life)
I have more options in my life, and the direction I can choose take it in, then almost every single man that I personally know. I’ll be doing a separate video on this, it will be the next one most likely.
I talked about this a little already, but…
Indifference will make a woman go crazy, they WANT a reaction out of you, but actually men: what they want more is NOT TO GET A REACTION OUT OF YOU.
They just don’t know it yet.
This is one of the top alpha-male traits, that women go crazy over. How do you acheive this internal state?
By becoming insanely busy doing things in your life (AKA working on your MISSION). This is why I focus on this subject of ”having a mission” so much. So much so that I named my whole damn channel after it.
Don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to you!
This is another one of those principles of life, where taking a counter-intuitive approach, is the way to go.
You guys have to realize something: it’s not the fact that a guy is a bad boy, a rebel, or the concept of ”indifference” itself, that sets you apart, it’s what that indifference communicates about you to the women in your life. Women are very good at reading between the lines on things. What does the behavior you exhibit COMMUNICATE about you?
That the part right there, is the part about everything I’m telling you to do here to always pay very close attention to.
When it comes to the women in your life, all women actually (new women you’re meeting for the 1st time, and especially women you’re known a while): always be asking yourself, what does this behavior I’m exhibiting, this attitude I’m exhibiting, the words I’m saying, what are all these things communicating to this woman?
You have to learn to start thinking about things from a woman’s perspective.
Which is sales technique by the way. Always think about things from the perspective of your prospective buyer. And when it comes to women: always remember they are reading between the lines. Whether they know they’re doing it or not, is irrelevant: they are ALWAYS reading between the lines of what you are communicating in your actions and words.
What is your subtext telling her about you? Women only care about the subtext.
CONCLUSION:
Women don’t want to feel unsure, in fact, they want to feel the opposite of that: they want to feel very sure, and very certain about you.
And I mean this in the sense of your congruency, and your strength by the way.
Its only when she realizes she doesn’t feel sure of your strength and congruency (which by the way usually happens because YOU don’t feel sure of it, of your OWN strength), that she becomes difficult, moody, despondent, and unhappy.
Remember:
A man is nothing more than the terms he stands by.
Your terms you’re standing by in the case of this point, are that you have terms in the 1st place (#1), and she can accept or reject them. What she chooses do to do however, should not matter to you. There are plenty more fish in the sea. And if you’re a single man in today’s dating market, you should constantly be sourcing women. You should constantly be meeting new women, on a daily basis.
You should be meeting them in coffee shops, you should be meeting them in the street, in parks, online. That’s what sexually active and healthy minded men in the prime do, they source women from multiple places. So when a 1 woman rejects your frame, or rejects the idea that you aren’t going to exclusively commit to her, then you’re at no loss whatsoever.
Until next time,
-Matt Mitchell
